just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
