I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
