My brain says no but my pants say off.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
