There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
