i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
