just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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