took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
