we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
