Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
