I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize