Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
