Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
