Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
