this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
