Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
