Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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