My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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