Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can text with my tongue
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize