you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
3 2 1 whiskey
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
