I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
