i jhust puked up my retainher.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
