college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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