After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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