this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is my gift to your gina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
