I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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