Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
