Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
