No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize