Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
