sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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