dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
