she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
