my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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