It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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