Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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