Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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