maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
