I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
