So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
