bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
