Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
