So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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