he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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