First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
