I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
