Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
