so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
