i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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