So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize