I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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