my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
