what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
