Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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