Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
