member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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