Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize