you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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