he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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