Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
