uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm like, not good at living.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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